Oh, Why Don't You Go Sing Something
by TillThatTime
Summary: This little parody came from the inner depths of my warped and extremely psychotic mind. So if you up in read this, then....I pray for you.....enjoy
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical, so don't sue my sorry ass

A/N: Ok here's the deal, I am in a horrible mood right now so I decided to relieve some of my stress by writing this screwed and completely pointless paradoy. I just wanted to say that I do not use drugs and I do not condone that you use drugs. Also I am sure that I will get a flame saying "this is the dumbest story that I've ever read" and also codeming me to burn in hell for being such an atrocious writer but I just have to say, go ahead and leave flames, I need something to laugh at. Also this little drab is based loosely on the book Stuck in the Elevator by Kevin Myrick. My deepest apologies for what lies ahead.

* * *

It started on a day like any other day. There was laughter ringing in the polluted air andchildren were playing Frisbee while they shot up on heroin. In the distance two hobos could be seen eating the bread off the concrete that the pigeons hadn't deemed worthy enough to consume. Thus enters our 8 heroes, they will be referred to as Troy, Gabriella, Ryan, Sharpay, Zeke, Chad, Taylor, Jason and of course scrawny but undeniably adorable Kelsi. They were all heading to a meeting discussing civil rights for the mentally challenged caterpillars but unfortunately as they rode in the elevator that would lead them to their destination it jerked to an unpleasant halt on the 13th floor.

**Ryan: **We seem to be stuck.

**Sharpay: **And to think people call you an idiot……..

**Kelsi: **Now everybody just calm down…this is no time to panic.

Everyone looked around at each other, shrugging.

**Troy**: I'm not panicked ….how bout you Zeke?

**Zeke: **I'm actually feeling pretty good…..

Everyone but Kelsi nodded in a agreement. Kelsi fell to the ground in a huddled ball and started to repeat the phrase "cant sleep clowns will eat me" while pulling some speed pills out of her pocket and shoving them aggressively down her throat. Jason went to comfort her but she bit his hand.

**Jason: **Cow whore….

**Taylor: **Now I am sure there is a reasonable explanation for why this contraption referred to in Webster's Dictionary as an elevator has suddenly jerked to a halt.

**Chad: **Oh why don't you go solve something.

Chad spit on the floor to show off his manly demeanor and Taylor huddled in a corner and began to solve….things

**Gabriella: **I like to tomatoes, don't you like tomatoes Troy?

Gabriella batted her eyes flirtatiously up at him. Their relationship had never worked out because eventually they had run out of things to discuss but Gabriella felt that it was always worth a shot to find something in common between the two of them.

**Troy: **Well, I-

Gabriella kicked him in the shins and began to sob loudly.

**Gabriella: **YOU LOVE ME, I KNOW IT!

**Troy: **Huh?

**Gabriella: **Tomatoes are red………

**Sharpay: **This air is musty and my complexion does not mesh well with musty air (Turns and hits Ryan over the head) Fix it!

Ryan begins to try in vain to fix the "musty air" while the others look on him with pity.

**Troy: **Whipped…..

**Chad: **Completely whipped…..

**Ryan: **Oh why don't you go sing something.

Upon hearing the beautiful melodious voice of Ryan Evans, Troy turned to gaze into Ryan's blue (Insert descriptive eye details here) eyes.

**Troy: **Within the short but long awaited course of 20 seconds I have discovered that I am not only pitching for the other team but I am completely in love with you as well………want to make out…..

**Ryan: **Only if you pull your hair back in a ponytail and do a Katherine Hepburn impression.

**Troy: **I don't have a hair tie

**Ryan: **Sucks to be you…..

**Zeke: **I love Katherine Hepburn! She is my idol, I keep her close to my heart and in my wallet.

Zeke Pulls out a picture of Katherine Hepburn from his wallet.

**Zeke**: see…..

**Sharpay**: Oh why don't you go bake something…

**Zeke: **There's no oven.

**Sharpay: **You're so needy……

Over the course of the next five minutes, Taylor and Gabriella begin to draw primitive designs on the walls of the elevator and Chad's IQ drops by 50 points.

**Chad**: Me Chad.

Sharpay: I am honestly thinking about resorting to cannibalism just so I can eat you and do the rest of the world a favor!

**Chad: **Me Chad

**Sharpay:**I hope you get hit by a bus.

**Chad:** but we're on an elevator?

**Sharpay: **I hate you…..

**Troy: **I know! Let's sing "Were all in this together" you know, that song from the movie that were in…that were not supposed to know that were in….but really we do, even though we are supposed to believe that our world is real….even though it's all cinematography……even though we're not supposed to know that….because we are just mindless characters who can sing and are all professional dancers……it's kind of like that show called "the Truman show"…… you know….

Troy goes crossed eyed

**Troy: **Uh, what was I saying….

Troy begins to drool. Gabriella passes Troy a cookie and pats him on the head. Troy giggles and starts to recite Shakespearean lines to his cookie.

**Taylor: **I think that it would be in our best interests if we put our heads together and figure out a way to get out of this.

**Sharpay: **My doctor says that I shouldn't do anything too strenuous….

**Taylor: **Oh why don't you go dance something

**Sharpay: **Bitchin….

Sharpay begins to do the Cha Cha while Zeke and Jason pull out their air banjos and begin to play some radical songs. Life seems perfect….for now……

To be continued…well probably not….


	2. I'm Dreaming of

**Disclaimer**: When I own the world I will own High School Musical as well…I'm just biding my time……

**A/N: **Ok…..so it's stupid, pointless and ridiculous……deal with it!

* * *

**I'm Dreaming of Guns and A Bottle of Aspirin**

Things were not looking good for our eight…..correction, _nine_ heroes, as they headed into hour two of being trapped on an elevator. Tempers were flaring, deodorants were wearing off, and there was an all-around creepy feeling that everybody was getting from Gabriella.

Troy was searching desperately on hands and knees for something that even remotely resembled a hair tie, whilst Gabriella was leaning in close to his ear, whispering sweet, creepy nothings into his ear.

**Gabriella**: Troy…

She whispered in a voice that she believed to be raspy and sexy, but sounded more like a Ben Stein with smokers cough.

**Gabriella**: Do you like tacos?

**Troy**: I'm more of a bratwurst man myself…..

Gabriella looks at him for a moment before bursting in to storm of wet and very loud tears.

**Gabriella**: You were supposed to be my god damn fairytale, bitch!

The wails continue on, throwing the entire elevator into dismay.

**Ryan**: Good God, turn her off! Turn her off!

Ryan would be pulling out his hair right now if Gabriella wasn't doing it for him.

**Zeke**: Satan, douse this flaming inferno!

All the chaos stops abruptly as all eyes turn to Zeke.

**Zeke**: Uh…….I-I mean……praise Jesus?

Viewing this as a good enough answer, the mayhem ensues (and by mayhem, I mean the insistent crying, of course.) Until finally, Sharpay, deciding to solve the problem, takes off her 6 inch heel, and chunks it at the crying girls head. Gabriella is out cold and once again the world is a much better place.

**Sharpay**: Ding dong, the bitch is dead……

Sharpay sings whilst filing her nails.

**Kelsi**: You are my hero, Sharpay.

**Sharpay**: Well, if I am your hero, then get down on the ground and worship me properly, lower being!……..and give me a pedicure while you're down there.

Kelsi does so.

**Ryan**: Whipped…….

**Sharpay**: Ryan! The air is still musty……fix it!

Ryan jumps to his sister side, and once again begins to try to "fix" the musty air.

**Kelsi**: Hypocritical bastard……

**Taylor**: Now, I believe that if we all put our heads together we can come up with a brilliantly logical plan to get us quickly and safely out of this bind…..jenkies…….

Taylor beings to twitch.

**Zeke**: Burn in Hell she-devil!

All eyes, except for Gabriella's of course, turn to Zeke once more.

**Zeke**: Uh…..I-I mean……Praise Jesus?

Everyone shrugs

**Troy**: Ryan, I love you. Can't you see that?

**Ryan**: I believe I asked to speak to Katharine Hepburn, Not Troy Bolton.

**Troy**: Oh why don't you go…….go……..

Not being able to think of anything witty to say, Troy begins to pout. Ryan hands Troy a second cookie. Troy giggles and begins to work on his Katharine Hepburn impression.

Chad who had been sitting in a corner the entire time smelling his toes, quickly stands up in a wave excitement.

**Chad**: Oh! I know! Lets do a sing-a-long!

**Troy: **Oh, you mean like we do in that movie that we're in…that we don't actually know that we're in…but would explain all our new cars and gold plated mini bars…….but we aren't supposed to know about those…because if we knew that would be breaking the fourth wall…….which I don't think you're supposed to break….even though I am doing it right now…..which I don't think I am supposed to do….which-

**Ryan**: Christ! Will you shut up!

Troy curls into a ball in the corner and pets his cookie.

**Troy: **And to think I wanted to make out with you!

Kelsi: Hey look-it, I found a hair tie.

She replies quite nonchalantly.

**Troy**: Oh! Gimme, gimme, gimme!

**Kelsi**: What's the magic word?

**Troy**: I'll slaughter your entire family if you don't and mail you your dogs head in a box?

Zeke grins at this

**Kelsi**: But I don't have a dog….

**Troy**: How bout a cat?

**Kelsi**: No.

**Troy**: Snake?

**Kelsi**: Nope

**Troy**: Ferret?

**Kel**si: Nada

**Troy**: Gold fish?

**Kelsi**: No! Not Goldie!

Kelsi hands over the hair tie, just as Gabriella begins to wake up. There is an all around groan from the elevator, the writer and the audience.

Sharpay chunks her other shoe but, unfortunately, Gabriella dodges this one.

**Gabriella**: Missed me! Missed me!

Gabriella dances around cackling.

Everyone else shudders.

**Gabriella**: Hey Troy?….Have to ever seen someone dressed like a cross dressing carrot do a flamenco dance…. ?

**Troy**: Yeah, once…..good times.

**Gabriella**: How bout someone dressed like a cross dressing asparagus do a flamenco dance?

**Troy**: Uh…No?

**Gabriella**: Would you like to?

Creepy feeling is back.


	3. I want a

**Disclaimer: **Everyone would need serious psychiatric help if I owned High School Musical.

**A/N: **Ok, the main point of this story is to be therapeutic to me…..and to scare everyone else. I write because it relaxes me….even if the result is at the expensive of others. I do not recommend this story if you have heart problems, are pregnant or may become pregnant, or happen to be sane……..if you do not fall into this category then I hope you enjoy……side affects may include nausea, nose bleeds, or uncontrollable laughter……if none of these happen to you…well then, it sucks to be you……

Much Love!

TillThatTime

* * *

**I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas. **

The entire elevator was watching in a bewildered awe as Gabriella began banging her head repeatedly into the wall. She was mumbling incoherently, but if they listened hard enough they could make out such phrases as, "kindergarten", "Start of something new my ass." and "What about celery?"

**Ryan: **Hmmm, do you think we should stop her?

Ryan mumbled, cocking his head to the side.

**Troy: **And miss out on this?

Troy said in great amusement, pointing suggestively at the eccentric girl.

**Sharpay: **Besides, she might knock herself out again, and I've run out of shoes.

Just then, with a disappointed groan from everybody in the elevator, Gabriella abruptly stopped and turned to face everyone. She swayed slightly and her eyes defocused, but a psychotic grin was plastered on her face.

**Gabriella: **I've got it! Troy, you once told me that you like corn……well, I LOVE corn! Don't you see that we're meant to be now?

**Troy: **Oh baby, come here.

Troy said in a gentle voice, holding out his arms to the grinning banshee of a girl. She quickly walked into his outstretched arms with a contented sigh. He ran his fingers through her hair before saying softly.

**Troy: **Baby….I was lying….I hate corn….it gives me rashes.

Letting out a, not so unlike Xena Warrior Princess cry, Gabriella, not only grabbed Troy's hair tie and ate it, but broke his cookie in half as well.

**Kelsi: **Weird…..

**Zeke: **I know, you think she would have done that the other way around.

**Chad: **Me, Chad

**Sharpay: **Oh, why don't you go commit suicide.

**Chad: **There's no rope.

**Sharpay: **but..

**Chad: **Or razors

**Sharpay: **Well…

**Chad: **Or pills

**Sharpay: **Please…

**Chad: **Or emo music playing in the back round.

**Sharpay: **Jesus Christ! Forget it!

**Chad: **Forget what?

Back to the situation at hand, Troy watched in horror as Gabriella destroyed his most prized possessions before letting out a shriek and snapping his fingers in that 'oh girl, no you didn't' type of way.

**Troy: **Oh girl no you didn't!

See….

**Gabriella: **Oh yes, Troy, I think I did.

**Troy: **Oh it's on, girlfriend.

**Sharpay: **Wow Troy, you've truly out gayed yourself…..

In a flurry of popular 'bitch slap' sayings and undignified squeals, Troy lunged at Gabriella. The song 'Smack My Bitch Up' began to play on the over head speaker as Troy pulled at Gabriella's hair and Gabriella started biting Troy's leg.

**Ryan: **Is anyone else finding this incredibly amusing?

Everyone raises their hands except Kelsi, Troy and Gabriella.

**Kelsi: **Oh come on guys, stop fighting. This is definitely not Disney friendly, and plus 'We're all in this together'…….Right?

**Sharpay: **Actually I'd rather be living in a secluded area in Guatemala, having hot, kinky sex with some Jamaican dude who's name I couldn't even begin to pronounce.

**Ryan: **I second that….

Everyone else nods in a agreement, except for Taylor.

**Taylor**: But why would there be a Jamaican dude in Guatemala?

**Sharpay: **Get the hell out of my fantasy, Velma-wannabe, before I forcibly take you out.

Taylor crouches back in fear.

**Taylor**: Sorry.

**Sharpay: **Sorry what?

**Taylor: **Sorry your majesty.

**Zeke: **I'd rather be roasting small animals on a sacrifice flame, whilst carving 'The Dark Lord + Zeke Forever', into a nearby tree.

Troy momentarily stops poking Gabriella's eyes, in order to stare at Zeke, along with everyone else.

**Zeke: **Uh, I mean…

**Sharpay: **Praise Jesus……yeah we know…

**Ryan: **Closet Satanist.

**Zeke: **What did you call me?

**Ryan: **Uh, incredibly psychotic, douche-cock, panty-waist pansy?

**Zeke: **Oh, ok.

**Sharpay:** How long have we been on this elevator?

**Taylor:** About 4 hours

Sharpay glares at Taylor, tapping her foot expectantly.

**Taylor:** Master...

**Sharpay:** That's better...now fan my face.

**Taylor:** What?

**Sharpay:** Do it, sweater monkey!

And of course, since Sharpay is so obviously the 'Head Bitch' Taylor begins to fan Sharpay's sweaty...I mean, charmingly misty face.

Until suddenly...

AND I HAVE DECIDED TO ABRUPTLY END THE CHAPTER HERE, BECAUSE I'M THE AUTHOR AND I CAN DO THAT SORT OF THING……..


End file.
